It is satisfying as I leafed through the pages of my journal and run my fingers over the marks I have etched onto the paper. There is a sense of pride in what I have done for myself. Regardless of quantity or quality, these pages are valuable because they contain the preciousness of my being and my life.
I recall the look of satisfaction my niece wore when she managed to slot her book back into its case after a few tries. At 20-months-old, she bore no frustration, instead, her eyes were curious as she rotated the book around various angles, and voila, she found the perfect fit and pushed it all the way in before flashing a contented smile. This precious moment was captured on camera but she was unaware of the audience. She did not look up to seek help, neither did she flash her smile for an audience or for approval. She was just pleased with herself for accomplishing the challenge before her.
Her purity shone through the video; I was both touched and puzzled by her way of being which felt foreign to me. I wondered how I was as a child, and what brought satisfaction to me. Well, when the time is ripe, I will experience it again.
And here I am, filled with contentment and pride and awe with what I have accomplished. A manifestation of my thoughts, a pouring forth of my being into ideas, words, and letters that now exist in a physical form. What used to be intimidating and tiring to me is no longer a hassle to avoid, but a cause worth undertaking. When I muster my courage to face my own deeds, without deflection or comparison, I am breaking out of my egoic patterns and beliefs. This is neither a small nor big feat. It is a feat I have accomplished, worthy of my acknowledgment and recognition. And in recognition, I have marked myself significant to me. I am breaking yet another pattern of reacting to a fear of insignificance.
I am pleased with what I have done because I did it. I am delighted I can write, and I appreciate my efforts in writing. I have no idea what outcome my efforts will bring, and that query can come later. There is no need for permission or approval to be satisfied and happy. Just like my sweet little niece being in touch with the joy and the value of her essence.
May we appreciate the little things we do and the inherent value we hold.