What does it mean to show up?
How many of us can say that we actually show up to life every moment, every day? Many of us hide behind masks and labels to get through life.
“I have to do/be… so that…”
“I have to do/be… if not…”
“What if they don’t accept me?”
“What if they think I’m …?”
Sound familiar? The list of excuses goes on.
What happens when we constantly hide behind those masks? What happens when we run away or suppress our authentic selves? We gradually lose touch with them and over time, we forget who we really are and what we stand for. And once the moment arises when we lose the reason to put on that mask, or circumstances force us to drop that mask, we can get disoriented. We can feel so lost, our world crumbles. That identity we fought so hard to create is no more than a temporary facade.
I used to hide behind my job. When I was in my role as a designer, I could call forth the strength and courage to introduce solutions or fight for my beliefs. I had no issue introducing myself as a designer, it was my pride. However, when I left my role, I felt empty. Who was I without my work? Who was I, truly, when I’m just in my own skin? That set me on a journey to find and return to myself.
How about you, dear one?
Tell me, who are you without labels?
Why do we not show up to life?
Because we are human and part of being human is the need for connection and belonging. We fear not being accepted by others. I know I do, do you?
It’s good to acknowledge the fear for it’s perfectly normal to feel it. It’s part of our survival DNA to ensure that we belong socially for safety and security. After acknowledging your fear, we can start to further examine the truth in our beliefs and actions. You see, belonging is different from fitting in; we need to discern between them.
Belonging and fitting in
When we fit in, we change ourselves and accommodate to be accepted. When we belong, we consider how we might find or create a community where we are accepted for who we are. You don’t have to hide the pieces that make you different. Instead, you can share your whole self to cultivate meaningful relationships.
True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.
Brene Brown
So, have you been fitting in or belonging?
Showing up means being who we truly are—in our authentic selves, our essence.
To show up can manifest differently for each of us. For me, showing up comes in the form of taking care of myself and my needs, standing up for my beliefs, sharing my voice when it’s called for (regardless of how it will be received), staying when anxiety prompts me to leave, leaving when fear cripples me to stay. Showing up means being true to myself. Often though, fear and anxiety still get in the way, but I keep going. Each day, I leave, only to return to myself.
Showing up can feel vulnerable. It takes courage and hard work, and it can be extremely uncomfortable initially. Like an underused muscle, the initial workout sessions will always be tough. You may experience flushes of anxiety, shame, or discomfort when you become self-conscious about how you may appear to others or how others may receive you. You may surprise people who have known you under an old label or mask.
Yes, it’s tough, that’s why it’s a form of self-work. And it’ll get easier, I promise.
As you continue to show up authentically, things change and others change. Your courage to show up will infect others. You, showing up will allow room for others to show up as well. This work—should you choose to undertake it every day for yourself—is special and sacred.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E.E Cummings
So, are you ready, to join me in this battle?
Are you willing to show up, from hereon?
I see you and I want to see more of you.
…so don’t be afraid to let them show
your true colors
true colors are beautiful…